the complete and honest truth

my humble attempt to collect memories i will regret not remembering, and documenting the things in life i'm fortunate enough to take for granted...

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Sleep Training isn't just for babies.

My 13 month old has had the sleep habits of a poorly sleeping newborn since very early on. In the NICU she was fed every 3 hours, everything on schedule, etc. But once home, we were on demand, co-sleeping, AP, anything to keep her happy parenting. She had lots of ear infections, she finally got tubes around 10 months (not that those helped her sleeping, as we'd all hoped, but they did fix her ears). She also needed to nurse all night to sleep, ALL night, literally. Don't pity me, I created the monster, I own it.

As much as I was tired, I LOVED snuggling my sweet, nursing baby all night. In the beginning, her feet curled up into me, under her tummy, and she'd get lost looking for food. She'd squirm until I helped her. As she grew, her legs stretched out more, and she was completely aware that she was laying snuggled up to her Mommy. She knew I'd be there, and was dependable. As was her endless supply of milk. Most recently, she's taken to doing what we don't even call "nursing" anymore - we renamed it "chillin' on the boob". Because she obviously didn't *need* to eat all night. But she'd latch and remain. If she woke up and wasn't attached to me (literally) mass panic would ensue. This happened maybe 10-15 times a night. I was awake more than I slept. But still.. I loved her snuggly self, so warm and sweet. So tiny and needy.

When we talked about sleep, my pediatrician said that I'd be ready to sleep train, when I was at the point where I was just ready to sleep train. That was so true. Last week, I remember stumbling around with Cece, looking for ibuprofen at 4a, and near tears after being up ALL night. And that was when I'd reached the point where I knew I was ready. I'm pretty sure she was ready from maybe 6+ months.

I've been doing my modified version of sleep-training. It's the version best suited for Mommies that can't bear to hear a cry, are super weak for the sad baby, and don't mind the process taking days, weeks, months even. I know I could do a "rip the bandaid off" approach, but that's not my style, and certainly not Cece's. I go in often, I don't let her fuss more than a minute. Yep, no more than ONE minute. But guess what? It's working. There's progress each night, each nap, each time I go in. I stretch her out further, I space nursing, I limit the time I stay. I never get her out of the crib unless it's mealtime. But my method is working. Maybe I'll write a book about it. People are addicted to baby books.

So anyway. The point of this is - this isn't just about Cece. As excited as I am about the prospect of STTN (sleeping through the night, for those not obsessed with sleep.), I already miss her. The first night, I looked sadly at her spot in the bed, wanting to go snatch her out of her crib and curl up against her. There's no baby to build a pillow barrier for, just in case she tries to roll out. There's no sharp bite in the middle of the night, when she's grinding her teeth in her sleep. No baby rolling herself right over my face. You know, because that's comfortable to 13mth old girl babies. I miss ALL of those things.

I know my baby is a giant would-be-a-toddler-if-she'd-put-any-effort-into-walking 13 month old Cece. But in the dark of the night, in the rocking chair with lots of blankets keeping us warm, with not even a nightlight to see her face, my Boo is still my tiny baby, my itsy bitsy little baby.

I guess I have to learn how to sleep without her. See? Sleep training isn't just for babies.

2 Comments:

Blogger Diana said...

I know what you mean. I keep telling myself that my 6 month old son needs to sleep in his crib but it makes me sad knowing that he's not right next to me. My husband is on deployment so that doesn't heklp. I am NOT letting my baby cry it out. It is a horrible way to "teach" your baby to sleep. They basically give up on you coming to them for comfort and go to sleep. They go to sleep traumatized, and its just a temporary solution,. I have read that many moms have had to go through crying it out more than once. I do not think you are weak for not wanting your baby to cry. You should read the no cry sleep solution, it gives alternate solutions to cry it out. The book actually helps you fix the problem not just put a bandaid on it. Good luck!

August 11, 2011 at 8:41 PM  
Blogger R said...

Oh Diana, your baby is just a little thing, snuggle that baby ALL you want! He just loves his Mommy. But this is coming from me, and the monster I created ;o) That being said, we've made great progress. I've always known "what" to do to get her to sleep, she's my 5th. It's just my selfishness of keeping her close, that keeps me from executing my own "sleep training". I could never do a CIO solution, I agree, it's just traumatizing. If my baby fusses while she falls asleep, okay. But if she's screaming herself to sleep - a whole other ball game!

August 20, 2011 at 1:32 PM  

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